As we enter the final stretch of Semester 1, it is non-negotiable that all students are likely to be facing significant amounts of stress. Patrick Alderton has all the hacks to get you through to the mid-year break.

From several assignments on tight deadlines to impending exams, no time of a uni student’s life is more stressful than the final three weeks of the semester. 

We’ve all been there, your head feels like it’s being held underwater, stress is getting the better of you, and the next thing you know you’ve eaten an entire large pizza to yourself and tear-soaked four pillowcases in the one night. 

However, as students, we must live by the sacred proverb “pressure makes diamonds”. 

To assist you with this, I’ve compiled my expert tips on how to beat the stress, and turn your procrastination into productivity.

Watch Your Lectures

As tough as it may be, and as dry as they are – watching lectures is a crucial part of engaging with course content, and an excellent way to create the illusion that you’re being productive. 

By now, we all know the secret of watching lectures at 1.5x speed, but given the gravity of the situation, I recommend 3x speed.

Not only does this stimulate your brain, causing you to be more attentive, it is also incredibly efficient. Now you can watch three lectures in the time it takes you to watch one! 

Ask Your Peers 

We’ve all had moments where we simply can’t grasp a concept or idea from one of our courses. 

One trick that I’ve picked up in my time, is to make friends with people who actually pay attention. 

Not only do they provide good company when you need someone to tag along for your fourth coffee of the day, but it also turns out they have access to a plethora of information!

Asking your peers for their notes on lectures and readings is an extremely effective way to familiarise yourself with course content, without actually doing any of the work yourself. 

Cram.

This is the most important piece of advice you’ll read in your entire schooling life. 

The best way to keep information fresh in your mind for an early morning exam is to leave all your study until the night before! 

Some of the all-time examination success stories have come from students who went to bed at 6 am, before an exam at 9 am because they were up all night reading their notes. 

I’m no scientist, but I believe there to be a correlation between pure adrenaline and skill. Only the most intelligent of people can cram successfully.

On the plus side, if you can’t cram and you’re really in the deep end with your study it is important to remember you can only fail an exam once!

If All Else Fails…Procrastinate 

The best way to address your problems and relieve stress is to pretend like you don’t have any in the first place.

Denial = peace.

Procrastination is the most powerful tool a student can possess, and is a crucial part of the versatile skillset required to complete your studies.

I find scrolling through TikTok for hours on end to be the most effective way to waste time, in a matter of minutes you lose hours of time.

All in all, it is super important that we all knuckle down and hit the gas for the final few weeks of Semester 1. Hopefully this guide has given you all the information needed to crush the remainder of the Semester, and maximise your (counter)productivity!

Happy examinations to all!

(The views and opinions in this piece are written satirically, and do not reflect those of Yak Media.)

Feature Image by Monstera via Pexels, no changes made.