Jasmine Burke recaps on Game of Thrones S4 so far: best scenes, worst scenes, best quotes and kills.
Before you read on, know that this is SPOILER central for those of you who aren’t diehard throners. For those who are, this will jog your memory of all the wonderful and gross parts of GoT season 4 before the season finale!
Episode 1: Two Swords
Now, I’m no fan of the c-word but when it is such a well delivered and wonderfully contextualised c-bomb, as it was by the Hound, I won’t object.
Arya: “Lots of people name their swords.”
The Hound: “Lots of c—s.”
Ahhhh, laughs. The best part about this episode was we start to see Arya in true boss-lady form. New favourite character!
Episode 2: The Lion and the Rose
Oh. My. God. It’s finally happened. At last, we say goodbye to king Joff, whose death was gloriously delivered to us on a silver plate, and just when we wanted to see it most. So, Joffrey and Margaery’s marital bliss (errrr) comes to an end before the happy couple can even consummate the marriage (phewwwf). But this death was no oops-he-choked-on-a-bit-of-pie incident, the sucker was poisoned. Who did it?
Episode 3: Breaker of Chains
After a week to recover from being put off pie and red wine, we learn that Lord Baelish, aka Littlefinger, is responsible for Joffery’s demise and his plans for Sansa Stark. Unky-dad Jamie and Aunty-mum Cersei have a moment alone with their dead son. Nothing quite like a bit of incestuous rape during a wake ay… geez, this episode is heavy.
Over in Meereen, Daenerys Stormborn, of House Targaryen, attempts to break more slave chains. She does.
This episode is serious, with lots of questions being asked and not many answered. It’s anyone’s game from here.
Episode 4: Oathkeeper
Olenna Tyrell confesses to having the “beast”, Joffrey, bumped off. Go you good thing! Margery’s new plan to marry King Tommen sees her creeping into his room for a midnight chat. Sus.
Bran and the gang get into a bit of a pickle out at Craster’s Keep. Poor Hordor :(.
Also, the White Walker and the zombified baby?! What even…
Episode 5: The First of his Name
1. Lord Baelish has out-sneaked us again. We learn that Lysa was the one who poisoned her husband, Jon Arryn, the former Hand of the King. Wtf.
2. Arya shows us that she has more balls than almost any character, fearlessly adding The Hound to her kill list in front of him. Again, boss.
3. No one spits in Jon Snow’s face and gets away with it. Jon shoves a sword through the back of the seedy bastard Karl’s neck, plunging it out through his mouth. Definitely one of the best/brutal GoT deaths ever.
Episode 6: The Laws of God and Men
TYRION! I could pretty much sum the episode up as that, but I’ll go a little further.
Accused of killing the king, Tyrion makes his first come back of the episode by asserting that Joffrey choked on his pie, and that either the bakers or pigeons should be held responsible but to leave him out of it. Hilarious.
After watching numerous witnesses, especially after Shae’s hurtful display of lies, we have just about seen enough. We are hurting for Tyrion, but then he states he would like to confess. Delivering a speech which is nothing short of epic, expressing years of fatherly hatred, Tyrion shreds the kingdom to bits (well-deserved) before he offers one final blow: a trial by combat.
Duh-duhhhhh. Duh duh duh.
Episode 7: Mockingbird
Have a nice trip, see you next fall… ha ha ha, sucker.
This episode saw not only a murderous love triangle at the Eyrie (literally), but a champion for Tyrion, a softer side to the not-so-soft Hound, a bit of cheek from our beloved Daenerys and the adventures of Brienne and Pod. We also saw the likes of Cersei (the bitch) naming The Mountain as the crown’s champion and Littlefinger creeping it by planting one on his ex-lover’s daughter, Sansa Stark.
Over in Meereen, Daario (mmmm hello) puts the moves on Daenerys (finally).
“Very well,” Daenerys tells him. “Do what you do best. Take off your clothes.”
Probably the best thing she has said since ‘Dracarys!’
Episode 8: The Mountain and the Viper
Now, GoT is well known for its shock value. It was shocking when Ned Stark was beheaded. It was shocking when Ramsay Snow (now Ramsay Bolton – oh nooo) cut off Theon Greyjoy’s penis. The slaughter of the Starks at the Red Wedding was extremely shocking. But now, deep in season 4 the most shocking thing yet: a head EXPLOSION. Prince Oberyn – a character that I’d say most have come to like – had his head popped like a juicy tomato… and we saw everything.
Several hours later when the shock and horror subsided (a little – I’m still rattled to be honest) we feel a deep sadness for Tyrion who, at the scene of the fight copped a rough one off his Dad, who announced he would be sentenced to death.
Small shock alert: Dany’s most trusted companion, Sir Jora, was a spy for King Robert. Tutt tutt, Jora, you’ve really blown your chances with Khaleesi now.
Episode 9: The Watchers on the Wall
Game of Thrones hits a wall. Literally. The Watchers on the Wall was spectacularly action packed with swords, giants, mammoths and spears (the death by the giant’s spear… insane!). The episode was not only a visual phenomenon, introducing new creations, but also had some key character developments. Namely, my beloved Jon Snow, who was doing his thing being a great battle leader, was then tragically heartbroken by witnessing the death of his lover, Ygritte. Oh Jon… I’ll comfort you.
The episode was downright gnarly and set up what is bound to be an epic finale.
The End Is Upon Us…
What did you think of Season 4 so far throners? Daario has a great butt, doesn’t he? What’s next for the Stark children? Are they in danger? What’s going to happen to our favourite little comedian, Tyrion? How will Jon go with his newest mission? Where the hell is Bran? Will our Kahleesi become power hungry?