Uni Life

A Definitive Ranking of UON Lecture Theatres

Lecture Theatre’s at UON are either the stuff of dreams or worst nightmares. Claire Ince ranks some of the theatre’s students frequent on campus.

12. Physics

Taking home the title of the worst lecture theatre on campus is good old PG08.

Now, before you sharpen your pitchforks, let me tell you exactly why I am right.

First of all, unless you get to your lecture an hour early, you will have no choice but to do that STUPIDLY AWKWARDLY STUPID thing where you have to shuffle past people who have rudely chosen to sit at the end of each row, which is irritating for two reasons:

  1. It’s uncomfortable (verging on impossible) for you, given that the gaps between each row are wafer-thin.
  2. The person/s you have to shuffle past either get a view of your derriere or your crotch being squished for a solid five seconds and for the most part, nobody wants to see that at 8AM.

Secondly, choosing a seat in that place is like the world’s worst game of Russian Roulette. When you finally spot one in the middle of the room, one of two things happen:

  1. You sit down, and nothing happens.
  2. THERE’S CHEWING GUM ABSOLUTELY EVERYWHERE AND WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO DO AND EVERYONE IS STARING AT YOU AND GAH!

Thirdly, the slope is far too steep, so leaving the room feels like climbing Mount Everest.

I digress.

11. Mathematics

Almost every ‘theatre’ in that place has JUST enough seats to accommodate everyone, and when you’re as socially awkward as I am and don’t get the trusty ‘one seat gap’, it’s never a good time.

Not to mention, VG01 and VG07 are total enablers.

It’s already tempting to conveniently forget about the lecture and focus on nothing but your course crush, but when the room is so flat and you can’t see the board AT ALL, you really don’t have much of a choice in the matter.

Let’s hope their collective makeovers make a difference.

10. Hunter

I know the Hunter building has a plethora of allegiant fans, but needless to say, I am not one of them.

There’s really nothing wrong with the theatres themselves- for me, the problem is that I CAN NEVER FIND THEM IN THE GARGANTUAN MAZE OF DOOM.

9. Engineering

Please raise your hand if you have ever felt personally victimised by the engineering precinct.

Like the Hunter building, there’s really nothing wrong with engineering (in fact, I imagine the precinct serves its purpose quite well). The problem is that my humanities-loving self doesn’t feel worthy of entering the land of genius (even though genius is a myth. Lol. CCCP jokes.).

8. Science

For me, science is everything Physics tried to be.

Firstly, even though the STUDPIDLY AWKWARDLY STUPID shuffle is still apparent, the gaps between rows are just a teeny bit wider, so the crotch vs derriere dilemma is not as much of a thing.

Secondly, the place is not infested with 50-year-old gum, which is a major plus in my book (back in year 8 English, a big, wet wad of gum fell into my lap and I haven’t been the same since).

But unfortunately, the curse of the steep slope has struck, which really knocks science down a peg.

7. Life Sciences

Forgive me, LSTH100, but you are kind of just… ok?

For a while I loved you, but I’m afraid you just don’t do it for me anymore.

6. Social Science

As someone who has never had the honour of setting foot in a social science theatre, this ranking has been solely based on the cries of the building’s loyal fans.

As such, if you feel that it has been robbed or praised too highly, feel free to argue your case in the comments.

5. Richardson Wing

RW145 holds a VERY special place in my heart, given that it was the location of my first lecture at UON.

She is beauty. She is grace. And with her help, everything fell into place.

4. Griffith Duncan

The Griffith Duncan theatre is really something else. It holds an unmatched aura that captures the hearts of young students far and wide.

It would have bop-bop-bop, bopped to the top if it wasn’t for my perpetual High School Musical loving ways.

You see, despite it being everything you could possibly ask for in a lecture theatre, I constantly find myself forgetting that I’m not about to watch Troy Bolton and Gabriella Montez battle for their place in East High’s Spring Musical, which really isn’t conducive to my learning.

3. General Purpose

GP. We love an adaptable queen.

Absolutely every UON student EVER will have some sort of memory associated with at least one of the GP lecture theatres.

From having my first existential crisis on the cold, tiled floor outside of GP101, to meeting some of my best friends in GP201- it really is a place where dreams are realised (or crushed).

2. Basden Theatre

The Basden theatre is the equivalent of THAT boy from high school.

You know. The one everyone completely ignored until he got hot during the Christmas holidays before year 10. The boy who made you weak at the knees and stumble over your words for the entirety of term 1 by simply looking in your direction for 0.2 seconds.

Oh, BA. How I will miss thy hunky self when I graduate.

1. CT

The CT building is living proof that some heroes don’t wear capes.

His tables are at the perfect height, and it is very unlikely that the hinges will tear off your arm skin (I’m looking at you, Life Sciences).

He makes it easy for you to be your true, antisocial self, with a plethora of seats at so many different levels.

He is sweet, kind, and isn’t infested with gum.

He is not hazardous. His stairs are not too steep, but they’re steep enough that you can momentarily stop staring at your crush’s hair and focus on the task at hand.

The gaps between his aisles are wide enough to avoid flashing your peers.

And if that isn’t enough, he has a partition, behind which you may fall asleep, and your lecturer will never suspect you.

CT. You are number one.

Feature Image: Nathan Dumlao via unsplash.com, no changes made 

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