Nail Polish is the Worst
Painting your nails is the worst and you can’t convince us otherwise. Claire Ince is here to break down the frustrating, time consuming, and hit-and-miss process.
Nail polish and I have been beefing for a solid 21 years at this point.
Like the general population of the world, despite the fact that my nails are almost always painted, I strongly dislike every second of the process. Here are (some of) the reasons why.
1. It never dries. Like, ever.
Not even a single soul:
Me, 30 seconds after a nail polish application:
2. It only looks pristine for, like, a day.
If it miraculously survives the first hour of life and manages to dry (almost) completely, well done for you.
It’ll be all shiny and cool looking for a solid 12 hours, which leaves plenty of time for you to take a picture of your hand against the steering wheel of your car and post it on your Instagram to create the illusion that you have your life together.
But after that, the shine begins to disappear. And what happens then?
It looks MILKY.
You wasted (probably) an entire day for milky-looking fingernails. Let that sink in.
3. It chips.
I mean, you obviously knew this was coming.
Just like a flaky friend, nail polish only has your back for a few days before it decides to abandon you for it’s new significant other.
Bit by bit, failed catch up by failed catch up, your relationship slowly chips away and you’re left with nothing but the remnants of a few colourful memories (and crusty looking nails).
4. Nail art
Like everyone on this planet, I have many inherent character flaws. But one thing I truly pride myself on is my unwavering patience.
I find building flatpack furniture very therapeutic.
I have never experienced road rage.
So listen to me when I say that attempting to follow a Pinterest nail art tutorial is quite possibly the most frustrating thing on the planet.
5. You don’t get what you pay for.
When it comes to beauty products, a general rule of thumb applies:
“The higher the price, the higher the quality, and the better the results.”
This rule absolutely does not apply to nail polish.
I cannot tell you how many times I have spent my hard-earned cash on pricey polishes expecting nothing but incredible results, only to get janky, sheer, chunky, and/or gloopy bottles of who even knows what.
Not happy Jan.
6. The perfect formula does not exist (apparently).
All I want is a nail polish that is opaque, shiny, long-lasting, quick-drying, and easy to apply, all in one bottle.
I don’t understand why every brand feels the need to create five different formulas which can only do one of the above at a time.
If Old El Paso can solve the age-old “hard vs soft taco” dilemma with one iconic product, surely nail polish manufacturers can do the same.