Jackson Langford relives some of our politicians’ most eloquent, accurate and true* statements.

Australia, like most countries, is divided by politics. Labor? Liberal? Greens? Sex Party? No matter where your political allegiance lies, it is blaringly obvious that the current Liberal government cops a lot of shit. It seems like Prime Minister Tony Abbott and co can’t even go for a scantily clad swim without being scrutinised. Students, being at a time in our lives where we are becoming more politically aware, are usually at the firing line here, cutting the LNP absolutely zero slack.

However, the rumours are true, guys – we are just the generation of entitlement. Beyond that, the suits in Parliament House are nothing short of heroes trying to guide us, and here are five times they got it absolutely and unequivocally right.

“A job is a prescription for a young person with mental health issues” – Scott Morrison, Minister for Social Services

Do you ever just kick yourself when you realise the answer to a troubling question has been right in front of you the entire time? All of Australia felt that metaphorical kick last week when Scott Morrison enlightened us with this little titbit. Mental health issues like depression and anxiety are pressing issues in our society, with an estimated 45% of Aussies to experience a mental health issue in their lifetime, and Scotty’s got it all figured out.

Cancel your therapy with that qualified psychologist who will know exactly how to help you! Stop taking those anti-depressants that a certified and knowledgeable doctor prescribed to you! All you need to do is get off your ass and go and find a job, and all your mental health woes will suddenly disappear!

PS. Does not apply to those who are employed and have mental health issues. You’ll just have to deal with it, I guess.

“Get a good job that pays good money” – Joe Hockey, Treasurer, in regards to young people becoming homeowners

Ahhh, perfect – another incredibly simple solution to quite an important problem. It’s time young folk ceased their complaining and started getting good jobs. There is literally nothing stopping you from getting a six-figure job post university, except qualifications, following your dreams, socio-economic factors, personal health issues and potentially breaking the law.

Furthermore, this is the perfect solution to Australia’s unemployment rate, with 6% of Aussies without work. It works the exact same way as telling someone who is poor and hungry to just “go and buy some food” – a foolproof solution, really.

“This is not about facts or logic. It’s about a new world order under the control of the UN” – Maurice Newman, chairman of the Prime Minister’s business advisory council, on the link between humans and climate change

Come on guys: if anyone is going to know about the facts behind climate change and the UN’s way of handling it, it is Tony Abbott’s chief business adviser. I mean, Environment Minister Greg Hunt explicitly stated that he disagreed with Newman’s views but what does he know?

Despite Newman advising Abbott with conspiracy as opposed to fact, and leading with conspiracies is the only way to effectively run a country, it’s high time we stop putting the blame on ourselves. We simply need to keep doing things exactly the way we are, because I feel like if humans were contributing to climate change, we would know about it. Oh, and just ignore that ice cap melting over there.

“Wind turbines are utterly offensive” and “Wind turbines can cause health issues” – Joe Hockey, Treasurer, and Tony Abbott, Prime Minister, respectively

Forget the forced closure of Aboriginal communities, the perpetuated stalemate of marriage equality, or the paying of people smugglers to send the boats back: wind turbines are by far more insulting and brutal.

Tony Abbott showed his disdain for the turbines in an interview with Alan Jones earlier this month, calling them “visually awful” and expressing his concerns over the impact they have on the health of nearby residents.

To be honest, Hockey and Abbott have every right to be offended. What’s more insulting than providing regional communities economic opportunities they would otherwise miss out on, doing a whole lot of good for the environment and no “consistent evidence” that wind turbines have any impact on human health?

“My biggest achievement as Minister for Women has been the carbon tax repeal” – Tony Abbott, Prime Minister/Minister for Women

Speaks for itself, doesn’t it?
*inarticulate, inaccurate and false

Image: DonkeyHotey, Flickr, no changes made.