Types of NewSpace Commuters
Claire Ince and Elizabeth Symington said goodbye to beloved Callaghan at the start of this year. Now, they have the lowdown on the types of commuters seen on the NewSpace Shuttle Bus.
The Backseat Driver
Even though none of the commuters on the bus understand what it’s like to drive a bus, the critics are those who like to audibly groan and/or abruptly comment the very moment the driver applies their brakes or slightly collides with the gutter. The Back Seat driver is synonymous with ‘know-it-all’.
This type of commuter hates their life now that they’ve had to make the move to NewSpace. Can be seen staring daggers at the bus drivers or sitting with chronic resting bitch face. If they happen to have a friend with them on the bus, the conversation involves loud complaining about NewSpace and the torturous bus drive there.
The Sign Ignorer
This is the kid who sits directly behind the sign which explicitly states that food is not permitted on the bus, and munches on Doritos. Loudly. Doesn’t deserve to catch the free buses.
Now listen, we’re all for a bit of friendly chatter. But we can’t say we particularly want to hear the explicit details of your sex life and/or Centrelink payments at 8:00am. Be careful over-sharers, you don’t want people finding out what you did last summer.
This type of commuter has the potential to make all other passengers feel inadequate. Rather than sit back and enjoy the drive into the city, these people sit there and emanate stress from their body while they furiously read through their textbooks or clutch their laptops for dear life. Their studious ways make everyone else feel bad, so they probably don’t have any bus buddies.
The legend is that person who will sacrifice just about anything for the comfort of others. You want to rest your head in their hand while you sleep for the entire journey? This friendly stranger has got your back (or forehead).
The Lord Farquaad
Now, we don’t want to call out these people for sitting on their high horse and treating all other commuters like peasants, so instead, we’ll just say that The Lord Farquaad will play out in one of three ways;
- They sit on the aisle seat and no matter how many people are standing, they will not budge (to the point that they kind of seem to enjoy it).
- They dramatically plonk their bag on the seat next to them and stare out the window, thus completely eliminating any chance of asking them to free the seat for you.
- They let you sit next to them, but not without eye rolling and cramming themselves against the window to avoid rubbing shoulders at all costs.
Honestly, someone just needs to shove them in a little bit of cake or feed them an onion.
The Bridget Jones
Heartbreak is written all over their face, and they can often be seen listening to dramatic music staring out the window. This is turned all the way up when it is raining; cue looks of longing and even potential tears. If the sky is crying, they are crying too. They just want someone who will be a bird with them.
Zzzz… Jeff Wiggle is their hero, they are the Jeff to the shuttle’s Big Red Car. They rely on other commuters to wake them when they need to get off. Honestly… relatable.
Images: Bonita Maher